She unfolded out of his arms, but held on loosely to the tips of his fingers with her right hand. All he could see was the back of her head as her other hand wiped her eyes.
“Mandy, come on, look at me! What’s hurting you this much?”
Collecting her composure, “Remember- Remember when you went to stay with your grandfather-”
Interrupting, “Mandy, what does that have to do with anything?”
“Don’t do this, let me get this out, please! I’ve got to do this, you have to know.” Finally letting go of his hand and getting some confidence, but still not able to bring her chin up and let her eyes engage his.
She continues without a retaliatory reply from him, “Remember when you went to visit with your grandfather; you stayed in Florida with him for six or seven days or so and we didn’t say goodbye on good terms, right?”
“What’d you do Mandy? I called you two or three times a day, what’d you do?”
She pauses grasping for the words to go on… “I didn’t mean to, I swear! I had too much to drink.”
While hearing her, the lump that welled up in his throat kept him from saying anything and the numbness in his chest where he heart used to be kept him from trembling. He watched it roll from his chest and crash to her living room floor while she continued in what seemed like a soliloquy from a tragic comedy.
“We went to the Pub on 12th street the night after you left and we were all having a good time. Then I don’t remember much, but we left with some guys who were celebrating one of their buddies getting engaged or something. I was so drunk, I don’t remember. I had way to much to drink like the time you and I went to Marty’s. I didn’t mean to.
“What didn’t you mean to do? What did you do? Who is it Mandy?”
“We weren’t doing well when you left,” convincing herself.
“Does that make you feel better to say that? I called you, I called you every day and before I went to bed. You talked to me, everything seemed okay, and you picked me up from the airport when I got back, you wanted to know how my grandfather was doing. How could you fake all that?”
“I wasn’t faking, I love you, and I loved you then. I don’t remember doing anything, it couldn’t have happened... he charmed me. He said things I had never heard before.”
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Part 6
With he heart pounding and feeling like she was having an out of body experience, finally she reaches the entrance to the office. One more little big deep breath and in she went. The secretary did not even notice she had entered the building, but that was typical. She was to enthralled with her junk mail or the latest gossip e-mail snippets like, did you see what so and so had on yesterday, blah, blah, blah. She had the scoop on everything and later that day she would get another one of her many secondhand bits of information.
All of the girls in the basement office were there and she could hear some light laughter as she walked down the stairs slowly. She had rehearsed what she was going to say to them, but it was all jumbled in her head now and none of it would ever come out as it had been planed. She was going to have to improve instead. She turned the corner quietly, unnoticed, and leaned her tiny delicate left shoulder against the every office color doorframe. The girls continued muttering around as she just leaned, comfortable-like now against the frame. A few more minutes went by and she began to use her ring finger to move her hair behind her ear with her head slightly cocked to one side hopeing this would draw their attention. When that did not work she gave a slight excuse me cough and instantly all eyes were on her as she now used her ring finger to smooth out her brow working it down her cheek and flipping the collar on her jacket.
One of her closet confidants, Emily, immediately put both hands over her mouth and inhaled all of the air in the room and the two others let out a rhythmic cry of elation. They new she had wanted this to happen, it was all she talked about and they were genuinely excited for her.
All of the girls in the basement office were there and she could hear some light laughter as she walked down the stairs slowly. She had rehearsed what she was going to say to them, but it was all jumbled in her head now and none of it would ever come out as it had been planed. She was going to have to improve instead. She turned the corner quietly, unnoticed, and leaned her tiny delicate left shoulder against the every office color doorframe. The girls continued muttering around as she just leaned, comfortable-like now against the frame. A few more minutes went by and she began to use her ring finger to move her hair behind her ear with her head slightly cocked to one side hopeing this would draw their attention. When that did not work she gave a slight excuse me cough and instantly all eyes were on her as she now used her ring finger to smooth out her brow working it down her cheek and flipping the collar on her jacket.
One of her closet confidants, Emily, immediately put both hands over her mouth and inhaled all of the air in the room and the two others let out a rhythmic cry of elation. They new she had wanted this to happen, it was all she talked about and they were genuinely excited for her.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Part 5
He arrives at Mandy’s house wondering after this if everything will be changing and if he was the only one in love and if he could fix what might be wrong. How do prepare for the unknown? His guard is up on all fronts, something not unfamiliar to him. He was used to uncertainty and having to protect himself, and himself only. If the rooms in his childhood home could talk they would say, “look what they did to him!” and tell you many stories of dysfunction, unjustified beatings and verbal and emotional abuse.
He knew how to overcome most anything, but he was not sure he was prepared to lose. He moves briskly towards Mandy’s front door and she opens it before he gets to the porch. Her eyes are bloodshot and her cheeks and nose are red.
“Oh, Mandy, What’s wrong? What’s going on sweetheart, you’re not okay,” forgetting about all of his previous apprehensions.
“Come in,” she tells him, trying not to make eye contact.
“Mandy what the hell is the matter?” He asks in sort of a ticked off and concerned voice as he enters the apartment.
“Please, you need to sit down for a minute-”
“Mandy! Come on! What the hell? Are we not still the same two people as we were a couple of days ago? Don’t treat me like a stranger.”
Mandy beginning to crumble and cry hysterically shuts the door behind him as he sits gingerly on the arm of the sofa where they had leaned in for their first kiss.
“I’m sorry-”
“About what?”
Barely able to speak…“I have said- this millions of times already- you just weren’t in front of me.”
He gets up off the edge of the sofa and pulls her into his arms and wipes tears from her eyes and kisses her forehead.
He knew how to overcome most anything, but he was not sure he was prepared to lose. He moves briskly towards Mandy’s front door and she opens it before he gets to the porch. Her eyes are bloodshot and her cheeks and nose are red.
“Oh, Mandy, What’s wrong? What’s going on sweetheart, you’re not okay,” forgetting about all of his previous apprehensions.
“Come in,” she tells him, trying not to make eye contact.
“Mandy what the hell is the matter?” He asks in sort of a ticked off and concerned voice as he enters the apartment.
“Please, you need to sit down for a minute-”
“Mandy! Come on! What the hell? Are we not still the same two people as we were a couple of days ago? Don’t treat me like a stranger.”
Mandy beginning to crumble and cry hysterically shuts the door behind him as he sits gingerly on the arm of the sofa where they had leaned in for their first kiss.
“I’m sorry-”
“About what?”
Barely able to speak…“I have said- this millions of times already- you just weren’t in front of me.”
He gets up off the edge of the sofa and pulls her into his arms and wipes tears from her eyes and kisses her forehead.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Part 4
On the way into work that morning she indulged and splurged for a white chocolate peppermint mocha. As soon as she delicately received it in through her car window from the drive through attendant's hands the car filled instantly with a calming aroma that soothed her nerves and excitement before she had to occupy her normal parking space at work. Once her car assumed its normal position among the others, she turned the key out of the ignition, gathered her purse that her sister gave her on her 21st birthday and cupped her hand just above the steam rising from the strategically cut hole on the plastic top that fit snug on the rim of her mocha and waved the sweet scent of peppermint into her lungs like it was her final breath. About to get out of the car she paused and before placing her left hand on delicate silver handle to open the car door she raised it to eye level and gazed wonderstruck by the ring’s exquisiteness and its reality.
Slow-motion like she shuts the door to the car and she imagines the red carpet leading her to the front of the building with all of her friends and office girls shoving microphones in her face asking questions with poofs and burst of light flash.
Slow-motion like she shuts the door to the car and she imagines the red carpet leading her to the front of the building with all of her friends and office girls shoving microphones in her face asking questions with poofs and burst of light flash.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Free Continental Breakfast, Part 3
Part 3
1-05-03
Hanging up the phone with an immense amount of uncertainty he began to run every scenario possible through his now fragile state of mind. “Did I…, could I have …,” but nothing of relevance stirred him to account for this uneasiness. There was no doubt the vibe he got from Mandy was not a mistake. Often times he was used to a having a unique feeling of confidence and security after hanging up with her, unless they were having a quibble of sorts, which was never to serious by his standard anyway. His last girl, however, was an emotional wreck to say the least. She seemed to be a different personality each week, but she was hot, so he dealt with it… for a while. Her instability wore on him like years of working third shift. After all his friends got to know her they told him that she may be smoking hot, but no chick is worth her kind craziness. You would get rid a smoking hot car if the parts din't work, they would say.
One night at the local tavern, having casual, postwork drinks with his buddies, she shows up yelling, swinging her arms, knocking people’s drinks over and causing an embarrassing scene. “Where the hell have you been?” He had no chance to respond before she started again. “Why were you with Angela last night? I know her and she wasn’t with you just to talk! Do you thing I’m some stupid girlfriend who is gonna sit back and let my man run all over town with another girl and not do nothing about it? Well, your wrong!” She took his drink and threw it at him, glass cup and all. It hit flush just over his eye and split his brow. Blood began to trickle from his brow and roll down his face like tears.
Recently most conversations with Mandy ended with him telling her he loved her and she always responded by telling him she loved him too, though it never was overly sincere.
On the way to her house he kept hearing one of his favorite lines from a song in his head and he always thought it to be so true.
“What are the words they use when they know its over ‘we need to talk,’ or ‘I’m confused, maybe later you can come over.”
1-05-03
Hanging up the phone with an immense amount of uncertainty he began to run every scenario possible through his now fragile state of mind. “Did I…, could I have …,” but nothing of relevance stirred him to account for this uneasiness. There was no doubt the vibe he got from Mandy was not a mistake. Often times he was used to a having a unique feeling of confidence and security after hanging up with her, unless they were having a quibble of sorts, which was never to serious by his standard anyway. His last girl, however, was an emotional wreck to say the least. She seemed to be a different personality each week, but she was hot, so he dealt with it… for a while. Her instability wore on him like years of working third shift. After all his friends got to know her they told him that she may be smoking hot, but no chick is worth her kind craziness. You would get rid a smoking hot car if the parts din't work, they would say.
One night at the local tavern, having casual, postwork drinks with his buddies, she shows up yelling, swinging her arms, knocking people’s drinks over and causing an embarrassing scene. “Where the hell have you been?” He had no chance to respond before she started again. “Why were you with Angela last night? I know her and she wasn’t with you just to talk! Do you thing I’m some stupid girlfriend who is gonna sit back and let my man run all over town with another girl and not do nothing about it? Well, your wrong!” She took his drink and threw it at him, glass cup and all. It hit flush just over his eye and split his brow. Blood began to trickle from his brow and roll down his face like tears.
Recently most conversations with Mandy ended with him telling her he loved her and she always responded by telling him she loved him too, though it never was overly sincere.
On the way to her house he kept hearing one of his favorite lines from a song in his head and he always thought it to be so true.
“What are the words they use when they know its over ‘we need to talk,’ or ‘I’m confused, maybe later you can come over.”
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Free Continental Breakfast, Part 2
Free Continental Breakfast, Part 2
The ring on her finger was cutting off her circulation, she could feel her finger tip begin to tingle, but she had to show it off tomorrow. Her boyfriend, now her fiancé, was apologetic about the ring size and wanted to get it resized right away. The jewelry store did not close until nine o'clock pm. She convinced him to wait, she did not want to part with it just yet. There was no way she was not going to wear it to work first. The girls at the office would be so excited for her. It had been seven years of dropping hints and near breakups to get her ring.
That night she did not sleep with the ring on, fearing the possibility her finger might fall of in the middle of the night. Instead she looped her necklace that her father gave her through the size four hole and wore both to sleep. When she woke after hours of trying to fall asleep, she felt around her chest frantically, then over her right shoulder, grasped her prize and brought it back to the front, nearer to her heart. Then, she smiled in relief because it was not all a dream and rolled in the covers with uncontainable excitement. Today was her day.
Turning her stereo up as loud as it would go, she tiptoed her way into the always hot, steaming shower while singing at the top of her lungs and from the bottom of her heart. Then, after she was finished, still high on life and singing, she dried off and wiped the mirror clear. Now, looking deep into her own eyes for a second, losing herself momentarily, she snaps out of it and takes a long look at her own naked body. The scar on her shoulder still made her self conscious though it had healed well over the past few years. However, on occasion it still sent a shiver down her spine
She could not believe she did not pick something out to wear before morning came. She searches her closet for something she has never worn to work before, but no such luck. So, she settles for her flirty little black, low v-neck dress she bought from Victoria’s Secret. It was the one that drove her fiancé crazy. He could not keep his hands off of her when she wore it and to make it worse on him she would intentionally request to go home early and skip the movie, claiming not to feel well.
Finally, after putting on make-up, a splash of one of her so-called hypnotic fragrances and some expensive hand lotion, she slides, twists and pulls the ring down her once lonely finger.
She leaves the house acknowledging she had never felt like this in her life...
The ring on her finger was cutting off her circulation, she could feel her finger tip begin to tingle, but she had to show it off tomorrow. Her boyfriend, now her fiancé, was apologetic about the ring size and wanted to get it resized right away. The jewelry store did not close until nine o'clock pm. She convinced him to wait, she did not want to part with it just yet. There was no way she was not going to wear it to work first. The girls at the office would be so excited for her. It had been seven years of dropping hints and near breakups to get her ring.
That night she did not sleep with the ring on, fearing the possibility her finger might fall of in the middle of the night. Instead she looped her necklace that her father gave her through the size four hole and wore both to sleep. When she woke after hours of trying to fall asleep, she felt around her chest frantically, then over her right shoulder, grasped her prize and brought it back to the front, nearer to her heart. Then, she smiled in relief because it was not all a dream and rolled in the covers with uncontainable excitement. Today was her day.
Turning her stereo up as loud as it would go, she tiptoed her way into the always hot, steaming shower while singing at the top of her lungs and from the bottom of her heart. Then, after she was finished, still high on life and singing, she dried off and wiped the mirror clear. Now, looking deep into her own eyes for a second, losing herself momentarily, she snaps out of it and takes a long look at her own naked body. The scar on her shoulder still made her self conscious though it had healed well over the past few years. However, on occasion it still sent a shiver down her spine
She could not believe she did not pick something out to wear before morning came. She searches her closet for something she has never worn to work before, but no such luck. So, she settles for her flirty little black, low v-neck dress she bought from Victoria’s Secret. It was the one that drove her fiancé crazy. He could not keep his hands off of her when she wore it and to make it worse on him she would intentionally request to go home early and skip the movie, claiming not to feel well.
Finally, after putting on make-up, a splash of one of her so-called hypnotic fragrances and some expensive hand lotion, she slides, twists and pulls the ring down her once lonely finger.
She leaves the house acknowledging she had never felt like this in her life...
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Free Continental Breakfast
Free Continental Breakfast
1-03-09
His sleek black phone vibrated in the cup holder in the car but it was not heard over the crackling voice of Ryan Adams belting out “cold roses” over and over. It was not until the brief silence between songs did he hear the annoying single beep that lets you know there is a message waiting. Quickly, without hesitation, he tried to press pause on his cd player, but increased the volume instead. He lets out an expletive and glanced at the cd player. This time, not pressing buttons blindly.
Swerving somewhat to the middle of the road he retrieves the phone and before looking at the name of the missed call he adjust his steering and takes a breath. He mutters to himself, “Is this how its going to be today?”
Not answering himself, but delivering a peak at the name in the rectangle box against the grey screen on his cell phone, it read Mandy 11:02 pm Tues July 9, 2008.
He had not been expecting her to call. Her lunch break was not until noon and her boss, Mr. Sam, was stealth, among other adjectives, and he would dock anyone’s pay the amount of time he thought they might have spent on the phone, If he caught them. He often did by hiding behind cabinets, peaking around corners, steaking out the bathroom, and being caught once by him was enough to get the point. A simple memeo asking employees not to use the cell phone during work hours would have sufficed.
For him calling Mandy back right now was debatable. He did not want to see her in trouble with good ole' Mr. Sam, so he waited until a little after noon to call. It was 12:08, to be exact.
He presses the call button...
“Hello,” answered Mandy.
“What’s up, Its me. You called? Is Mr. Sam out of the office today or something?”
“No, I called in sick today.”
“Mandy! Really! Why didn’t you call this morning…before your- ”
“I’m not sick, sick, like ill or nothing!” Interrupting.
He is now confused, kind of distracted really, trying to reason to himself why she would just take a day off. This was not the typical Mandy. Her ends barely met as it was, at least she made it seem that way. She was always complaining about finances, saying they need to spend more time with each other, but at home because it cost too much to go to either the movies, dinner, or both.
“So, what’s up?” Not really knowing how to respond.
“I think maybe you should come over.”
“Now?” He asks as if he is in some sort of trouble.
“Today.” She replies firmly.
“Are you okay?” Speaking genuinely.
*To be continued
1-03-09
His sleek black phone vibrated in the cup holder in the car but it was not heard over the crackling voice of Ryan Adams belting out “cold roses” over and over. It was not until the brief silence between songs did he hear the annoying single beep that lets you know there is a message waiting. Quickly, without hesitation, he tried to press pause on his cd player, but increased the volume instead. He lets out an expletive and glanced at the cd player. This time, not pressing buttons blindly.
Swerving somewhat to the middle of the road he retrieves the phone and before looking at the name of the missed call he adjust his steering and takes a breath. He mutters to himself, “Is this how its going to be today?”
Not answering himself, but delivering a peak at the name in the rectangle box against the grey screen on his cell phone, it read Mandy 11:02 pm Tues July 9, 2008.
He had not been expecting her to call. Her lunch break was not until noon and her boss, Mr. Sam, was stealth, among other adjectives, and he would dock anyone’s pay the amount of time he thought they might have spent on the phone, If he caught them. He often did by hiding behind cabinets, peaking around corners, steaking out the bathroom, and being caught once by him was enough to get the point. A simple memeo asking employees not to use the cell phone during work hours would have sufficed.
For him calling Mandy back right now was debatable. He did not want to see her in trouble with good ole' Mr. Sam, so he waited until a little after noon to call. It was 12:08, to be exact.
He presses the call button...
“Hello,” answered Mandy.
“What’s up, Its me. You called? Is Mr. Sam out of the office today or something?”
“No, I called in sick today.”
“Mandy! Really! Why didn’t you call this morning…before your- ”
“I’m not sick, sick, like ill or nothing!” Interrupting.
He is now confused, kind of distracted really, trying to reason to himself why she would just take a day off. This was not the typical Mandy. Her ends barely met as it was, at least she made it seem that way. She was always complaining about finances, saying they need to spend more time with each other, but at home because it cost too much to go to either the movies, dinner, or both.
“So, what’s up?” Not really knowing how to respond.
“I think maybe you should come over.”
“Now?” He asks as if he is in some sort of trouble.
“Today.” She replies firmly.
“Are you okay?” Speaking genuinely.
*To be continued
Friday, January 2, 2009
People I Meet
Smiles…fake as doll eyes
Telling lies like your breathing
Funny your lips and lungs don’t burn
Well, I can sense your fear
But, I don’t let on
So, who’s fooling who?
1-02-09
Telling lies like your breathing
Funny your lips and lungs don’t burn
Well, I can sense your fear
But, I don’t let on
So, who’s fooling who?
1-02-09
Shoes
A shoe on my right foot
Just below my knee
And my ankle too, you see
A shoe on my left foot
Just below my knee
And my ankle too, you see
But, daddy, daddy, daddy
It looks awkward to me
Silly son, sure it looks
Weird to you
Daddy put them on
Wrong ...again!
*Written after, of course, putting Hunter's shoe's on wrong
Just below my knee
And my ankle too, you see
A shoe on my left foot
Just below my knee
And my ankle too, you see
But, daddy, daddy, daddy
It looks awkward to me
Silly son, sure it looks
Weird to you
Daddy put them on
Wrong ...again!
*Written after, of course, putting Hunter's shoe's on wrong
My Wife
JULIE
You are as stunning as twilight
Daily, I yearn for you
Like a flower for spring rain
Your eyes
Comparable to fall’s quilt of rich hues
Comforts me
Your unyielding, faded jeans
The color of Carolina skies
Portrays your countenance
My wife,
Sweet you are
Like a honey soaked moon.
Thus, a good mother you will make
To our baby in your womb
*Written before Hunter was born
You are as stunning as twilight
Daily, I yearn for you
Like a flower for spring rain
Your eyes
Comparable to fall’s quilt of rich hues
Comforts me
Your unyielding, faded jeans
The color of Carolina skies
Portrays your countenance
My wife,
Sweet you are
Like a honey soaked moon.
Thus, a good mother you will make
To our baby in your womb
*Written before Hunter was born
Losing It
Useless, like stairs that wind
Thoughts too, wind with uselessness
Recognizing that keeps me sane
I know I flirt with a fine line
When will I not be aware?
1-01-09
Thoughts too, wind with uselessness
Recognizing that keeps me sane
I know I flirt with a fine line
When will I not be aware?
1-01-09
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